Anonymous asked: Would you like me to butter your muffin?
I appreciate the offer, but I think I can survive without it haha
ahhhhhh <3 <3 <3
Marriage Proposal of the Day: The planning! The dorkiness! The tears!
So imperfect it’s perfect.
omg i am cryiiiing this is so adorable
asdfghjkl; i love watching these
^ I cried.
… I can’t even begin to describe how delightful this is to me.
Legit tearing up right now. This makes us Oregonians look awesome!
despite the fact that you’er all a bunch of hipsters..damn that was so cute c:
crying with everyone, good god the tears!
i just had something in my eyes fuck you!
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This doesnt happen here very often, but for some reason, I was really happy today.
I’m not a huge fan of my entire posse anymore, but I had a really and I mean really good time with them today. I don’t remember the last time I laughed with them like that. It’s nice that Ive made more friends within them and even restarted old friendships. Im not sure if it’s because its my last sunday here for another three months, or because we went to a Mexican restaurant, but Today, May 6, 2012 has been the best day I have spent in Lewisburg, PA, and for that, I thank you.
As the year comes to a close, I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of who I was coming here, who I am now, and what I’m aspiring to be.
Chapter one: 9:06 pm
It all changed on December 7, 2010 at about 9:06 pm. I was waiting anxiously for a phone call. That sort of phone call that you cry when you get and cry if you don’t. It was 8:40 and fabian called. “receive the phone call yet?” “nope. maybe I didn’t get it.” maybe. We hang up and it’s now both of us waiting anxiously, knowing that phone call is either happening tonight or not at all.
I start to think “I didn’t get it, time for bed.” I’m in the kitchen charging my phone and it rings. “Marco?” “yeah?” “Hi, are you home right now?” “yeah” “is there anyone there with you?” “No, I’m home alone” “Maybe we shouldnt tell you this when you’re alone then.” The fear and anxiety starts kicking in. “Congratulations” thats all it took and the first tear falls. The conversation is over and the phone calls start. first mom. shes at work and wont come home until midnight. then grandma. shes so proud and I cry again. father (by default). fabian. eddie. they all get the call. The tears won’t stop by this point. A $168,000 scholarship to a private institution in central PA. I did it. Everything I worked for in high school: valedictorian, asb president, colllege summit vice president, intern for local councilmember, co-captain for heal-the-bay, aca deca captain, etc; it all paid off.
I knew what I wanted at that point. I knew where I was going, who I was, and what I wanted to accomplish. I had it all figured out.
Days passed and my senior year continued. With this came more and more security in who I was, and where I saw my future. I saw myself living successfully. I saw myself in a beautiful home with Katherine, our children, and our dogs and cars. I saw myself as a professional Engineer who was not only making a difference within the field of engineering, but who was also making a change in his community. I saw my mom being proud, my brother finding his own success, and I saw happiness. This image was so clear, it no longer became a simple vision. It became a destiny. A future that could not be broken. There was no question about how my life would end up. It was all figured out at the age of 17.
Summer approached and the fear began to sink in. I’m leaving home. I’m leaving everything I worked for here. I’m leaving Katherine.
The fear took control time and time again with that one tear becoming several. I wasnt ready. I couldn’t leave. what if everything changes? and just like that, I was gone.
Chapter two: 2640 miles
I arrived to Bucknell August 18, 2011. I arrived with Alex, someone I considered very close to a best friend. I arrived and we each went our separate ways. I was still afraid yet everyone else seemed perfectly normal. I kept to myself, not knowing what to do with the fear of change. How would I change? I don’t want to change! I like who I am. How would my life be different. What about when I go home? So many questions bombarded my brain. I was lost.
I slacked off in school. Annihilated my friendships. was ruining my relationship. became secluded. quieted myself. lost sight of everything. I lost sight of the future I so clearly knew would happen not so long ago. I lost my drive towards becoming anything really. I didnt care much for school; its just something I did. I didnt care much for people; if i saw them cool, if i didnt, oh well. I became too clingy, dependent and obsessive. I lost every single ounce of me. I lost the little confidence that I had. I lost my pride. I lost my dignity. I lost me. Marco Antonio Valdez was gone. I kept looking for him but he was nowhere to be found. I got a glimpse of him every once in a while when Katherine was on the phone or on skype or through text, but even then, it was a different Marco who I didnt like. too controlling and dependent. He was lost.
The year went on and things only got worse. It seemed like the only way to sleep was through the cause of tears. The only reason to wake up was because I had to. I didnt want this or that anymore. I had no more goals. no more aspirations. no more care for a future. no more future. all because of 2640 miles.
Chapter three: 3.2
a grade point average of 3.2 huh? what happened to that straight A student who had a goal?
Bucknell happened is my excuse, but in reality. It was all me.
the first year is coming to a close, and what have I done with my life so far? I cant say I came here and did what I came here to do, because I failed at that. It seems as though I failed at everything. it’s ok though, because I’m realizing that now. I was afraid of changing, but you know what, its all good. want to know why? because I caused that change. I let myself change, which means, if I wanted to, I could change back, and I will, it’ll just take a few tries and some time. And i won’t change back to that 17 year old either. Instead, I’ll turn into a more updated and modern version of that 17 year old.
I may not like Bucknell very much, but I do like the challenge that it will continue to give me. I learned things about me that I thought I would never learn.
I grew more mature. I grew a little too serious, according to some people. but ill be back to that fun guy.
point blank period, I grew here this first year as a bucknellian, and will continue to do so.
mommy, abuelita, angel, katherine, I wont let you down. you are and always will be my motivation to keep going.
I’m grateful for this opportunity that God has given to me. I won’t let you down. I promise.
And as for you marco, you’ll figure things out. just wait.
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